did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sext me about skeletons
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
