It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
