The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
