just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
