Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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