Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
