i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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