yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
