where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
