i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
