You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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