Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
