i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
