i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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