Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
