So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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