Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
