I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
