Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
