I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Non-Jews are for practice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
