Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
