I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
