I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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