she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
