did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
