yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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