Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
