I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
