wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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