Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
