I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
