No stitches, just platelets and will power
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
