I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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