you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
