So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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