I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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