my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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