"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
