Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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