I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
