So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
