my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
