so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
