Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
