I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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