Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
