Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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