Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
