I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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