its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
