Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
