Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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