I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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