One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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