im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize