just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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