What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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