3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
