I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
