would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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