everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
