So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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