my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
