Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
