Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
