Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize