Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize