I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
