Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
