i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
