I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
